I have found myself asking the question, "Have I, or am I experiencing the last firsts of motherhood?" It is a question that breaks my heart to think about, why I do not know. Have I had my last experience with morning sickness, feeling a baby flutter in my belly for the first time, the excitement and fear of prenatal ultrasounds and screenings, the growing belly that I love, the excruciating pain that is natural childbirth, the flow of emotions the first time you see your new baby on your chest after delivery, the first breastfeeding, the arrival home, the look that siblings give to their newest brother/sister, the amazing squishy newborn phase, the first smile, the first coo, need I go on???? When I see Graham doing new things I am taking them all in a little slower than in the past and wondering if this is it. He calls me "momma" now and I think, is this the last time I will hear a new little voice calling for momma? I do not know what the future holds for our family. Is our family complete? We have been blessed with three beautiful, healthy baby boys and for this I am eternally grateful. However, I think that if I decided today that our family is complete I would have an empty place in my heart. No, I do not want to have another baby right now, but will this change next week, month, year? How does one know when they are "finished?" Do you ever know? Is this a sign that I am not ready to make this decision? I'm guessing that it is. I am 30 years young and instead of making this heart wrenching decision now, I think I need more time. Just something I've been pondering.....any thoughts welcome.
Shan
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1 comment:
You aren't ready to make that decision yet. And you don't have to make that decision right now. See where life takes you and your sweet, blessed family. :)
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